The Hills Run Red

"The Hills Run Red". No, this isn't a movie review. No, I haven't seen this movie. But if you're like me, you've roamed the isles of your local movie rental store so many times over the years, covers like this barely catch your eye. We glance past the half-naked National Lampoon College Break cover positioned right next to Madagascar 2 and then move on down the row until we find a movie fit to take home.

The other night, I decided it would be fun to take Morgan with me to the movie store. Morgan is my 2 1/2 year old daughter, and some times a little road trip is my way of getting a little quality alone time with her. Sometimes it's the book store. Sometimes it's the animal store. And sometimes it's the movie store. I thought I'd let her pick out a movie from the kids section before I picked out something for her mom and I to watch later that night. She picked out her movie in like 5 seconds flat, "The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning", or something like that.

I walked through most of the new release section. Morgan was holding my hand. Then she said the line that gets me every time, "Daddy, hold you." I hope she never stops saying that. Kids grow up so fast. I picked her up and continued walking through the new release section. I stopped in a corner and proceeded to pick up a cover that looked like a real possibility. I stood there for a few minutes reading the back of the box and trying to ask all the good questions husbands should ask when renting a movie without their wives present. Is this something she will like? When is the last time I threw in the towel and rented a chick flick? That's usually something I do once or twice a year! She's always very appreciative.

As I stood reading the cover, holding my daughter and debating my rental I noticed Morgan was zoned out, head turned almost 180 degrees. As I turned to look at what had grabbed her attention I found myself face to face with Babyface. Not a cute baby face, but that Babyface. The one on the cover of that atrocious-looking movie.

I quickly turned around, telling her not to look, but to my surprise, the faster I turned and tried to shield her eyes the faster she turned the opposite way keeping her gaze fixed on that scary cover. She was frozen. She couldn't turn away. Maybe she thought if she turned away Babyface would jump off the shelf and bite her. I don't know. I kind of thought that myself to be honest. I walked around the corner, this time glancing in every direction possible to make sure my daughter was protected from the terrible covers plaguing the entire store (never really noticed them before).

I knelt down to have a daddy talk but before I could say anything she said, "Daddy, is that guy scary? Is that guy scary daddy?" I told her that that guy wasn't real and couldn't scare her and that daddy doesn't like to see her scared. I asked her what I always ask her when she shows a little fear, "Has daddy ever let you fall? Has daddy ever hurt you?" "No", I say. "And daddy won't ever let you fall or get hurt, okay?"

We walked out of the store and for the next few days she's asked about the scary man. When I was taking her from Red Robin to the book store she asked me if the scary man was going to be there. She's mentioned him a few times and usually every time she mentions him she says, "But he's not real daddy, he's fake." I can tell though, that she's still a little worried about the scary guy on the cover showing up somewhere while she's playing or taking a nap.

I saw the loss of innocence that day. I saw evil present itself to my precious little girl. I saw fear sting her through her eyes. And I've watched the effect of that one small, seemingly insignificant moment over and over as her mind continues to hit rewind and those images continue to surface. And I can't do anything to stop it.

Then I had to wonder, is that what Jesus feels?
It must be.

Jesus was there in the beginning when evil presented itself to his perfect and innocent creation. He watched his spotless creation become tainted and dirty, shameful and painfully aware of their nakedness.

The love He must feel for us, and yet the horror.

Jesus is there every time the thought of lust rises up within me. It must pain him so deeply. Jesus is there when we are led down the dark paths temptation often takes us. Paths of addiction, paths of selling ourselves short in order to feel accepted, paths of risky behavior, paths of binging to quench our feelings of insignificance, paths so shameful we could never utter the words, paths so lonely nobody must understand.

But like a father, Jesus doesn't stop loving us. If anything, He loves us more. Like a father thrust into protection mode to shield a little girl from the things he knows will hurt her, Jesus must be moved to do the same.

Ultimately, we sin because we choose to sin. But truly, we were born into this mess. Truly, we were made innocent and sinless. Truly, our Creator has a perfect and painless plan for us. And though we choose to sin, and though we often make it harder on ourselves than we have to, rather than feeling condemnation and judgment, rather than feeling unworthy of God's love and mercy and forgiveness, we need to find a way to trust that God's love is beyond our ability to fully understand.

If we could just picture Him like a father in a movie store trying to shield the eyes of his child; if we could just picture Him as a father who, rather than moved to anger is moved to a deeper and more passionate love for his children; if we could just picture Him as a father who hurts so deeply because of the pain He watches His children endure and inflict upon themselves...

I imagine that when Morgan is a mommy with children of her own, I'm not going to see an independent and imperfect 30-something year old. I'm going to forever see that 2 1/2 year old beautiful and perfect little girl saying with innocent eyes, "Daddy, hold you."

I imagine that's how Jesus sees us.

I'm not loved because of my perfection. I'm loved, because in my imperfection, I find freedom and wholeness, forgiveness and safety in a Savior who never stops loving me but whose love continues to grow deeper and deeper, until I am fully rescued and forever free from the evil and sin and imperfection of where I now stand.